What is pegging?

If you google pegging, one of the first definitions you’ll find is “Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man by penetrating his anus with a strap-on dildo.” To me it is so much more than this and a lot more inclusive. It can be done by any gender on any gender, the key is that one person is wearing a strap-on dildo. 

Why would anyone want to be pegged?

From a physical standpoint the anus contains a lot of nerve endings, and when stimulated generally this feels great for people. It is often overlooked as an erogenous zone but provides a huge amount of enjoyment for the recipient when properly played with. 

For penis owners there is also the prostate (sometimes referred to as the male G-spot), massaging and manipulation of this can produce pretty extreme sensations and can be massaged to produce ejaculation (milking) by itself.

Either of these alone is a fantastic reason to peg, but combined the enjoyment can be pretty intense and it becomes much clearer why people love to be pegged. 

These are just the physical so far, but there is a large mental component too, allowing someone to take control and drive the penetration can be a hugely trusting and erotic exercise (especially if its a flip for the norm).  

Why would anyone want to peg someone?

One of the best reasons is to give pleasure to your partner and to watch and be directly responsible for their pleasure of something you are doing to them. However the pegger can also have some amazing benefits. 

If the pegger has a vagina, then the pressure of pegging rubbing on the clit/vulva can be pretty stimulating, there are also some dildos (we’ll go into that a little later) that can be inserted into both players allowing both people to feel penetration. If you are using the standard dildo then it can be combined with various options to give you the most pleasure possible. 

If you want to look at the mental component there are a few benefits. 

First (for people who don’t normally “penetrate”) then there is a role flip, sometimes with a BDSM component and sometimes without. Just the act of taking over and running the show can be hugely ertoic. 

If BDSM is your kink then the ability to take control and your recipient to be at your control is fun and for a lot of people can give a strong sense of dominance, and enact similar submissive feeling in the recipient

It is also a great exercise in intimacy, the ability to feel super close to someone that you are pegging, potentially bringing them to orgasm and both of you collapsing on top of each other when you are both spent is one of the most amazing feelings I can’t even find the words to properly describe. 

How do I bring the topic up to my partner? 

For hetro couples new to pegging this is a common question I am asked, along with “Won’t being pegged make me gay?” and for a lot of people the both questions overlap so let me start off with one important statement

Putting aside the offensiveness to all the amazing LGBTQ+ folks that statement has, enjoying feelings of stimulation and sexuality are in no way connected please please please understand this - if you take anything away from this blog please take this away. Sexuality is related to who you want to be with not what you do.

Pegging is enjoyed by all varieties of people, all orientations and all combinations. If you can think of it then it’s enjoyed by that combination. It is also enjoyed a LOT by hetrosexual couples as well.

To start with the discussion it is important to be able to talk openly and honestly to your partner, this isn’t for everyone so if they don’t want to participate in pegging (either as a pegger or pegee) then please respect that, consent isn’t an optional component it’s necessary for any relationship to be healthy and ethical. 

This doesn’t mean you have to be blunt about it if that's not your thing, I usually recommend starting by watching some porn or erotica together that has similarities to your own lifestyle in it, for example if you aren’t into BDSM Don’t go searching for “Extreme femdom pounds guys ass with with 12” Dildo” … it’s not going to help your discussion, find a video that you can identify with as well as your partner can identify themselves with. It may even take the form of erotic stories and just watch it, you don’t even need to bring it up at that point you can just get comfortable seeing it in action. 

Then you can take the step towards discussion, it may be in the form of a straight question “Would you like to try this?” or it could take the form of a flirty sex talk. If you struggle to talk to your partner about sex then I’ve found that couples sometimes make it a little easier by starting some sexting with each other over text messaging - it sometimes lowers your inhibitions for discussing the more raunchy details. 

Whatever method you choose, it’s important you respect your partner's wishes, for some people they may also say no and then change their mind later - that is ok for them! It can be a little daunting for people to come out and say that this is something they’d enjoy and sometimes just takes some time :- patience and understanding is key here. 

What tools do I need?

• Two (or more) players
• (optional) dark colored towels
• A harness 
• A dildo 
• Lube - LOTS of lube! 

Harnesses

Probably one of the most important parts to pegging is harnesses, even with strapless strap-ons. You are going to want a harness that is comfortable, fits well, gives enough support to keep your attachment pointing the right direction and probably something you also find attractive (nothings a mood killer like the ugliest harness possible). 

Right now my #1 recommendation is the Joque harness from spareparts. I like it for a few reasons :- 

• It fits well and is pretty adjustable, it comes in two Sizes A and B, but inside those sizes you can do some significant adjustments to make it fit the way you want it to fit (i.e tight but not strangling). 
• It is well made - I’ve had a lot of harnesses before but the Joque is the only one I have bought a second one of.
• Has hidden pockets - it has two hidden pockets in the inside where you can slip 1 or 2 bullet vibrators, this means when you’re pegging you can get a little more enjoyment. 
• Washable - it comes with a washing bag, so just pop the harness in the bag and throw it in your machine with the rest of your clothes, super easy. 

If however you are a penis owner, then I’d instead go for the Deuce by spareparts. This harness has a little more room in the inside for any external organs that you don’t want to squish. 

There are however plenty of other harnesses available, so the best thing to do is just have a look and see what feels right for you.  

Dildos

Dildos are an important part of the play. There are two main type of dildos for harness play vac-u-lock and flat base. Vac-u-lock dildos have a hole in the bottom of them and are held in place by plug being inserted into them, I find them to be more useful on things like fucking machines than I do on harnesses but its a personal preference. I prefer the flat base style dildos since you have a much bigger selection and (At least at the moment) the dildos appear to be better quality - this is the type that is going to be compatible with most harnesses as well like spare parts. 

If you're just starting out with pegging then I recommend using something smaller, non intimidating and smooth. This allows you and your partner to start out gently and slowly progress into bigger and more textured items. 

My favorite first time dildo is actually also one of the cheapest ones - the Tantus Silk, it is not amazing to look at but it does have all the traits that are great for first time use, there is also a vibration version that is very similar. 

If the recipient is a little more experienced with anal play then its best to judge the dildo to the size they can already take. This opens up the options quite considerably however I would still stick to only silicone harness compatible dildos for play. 

Strapless Stap-ons

Some people wear by them and some people hate them. I personally swear by them (but only with a harness). Strapless strap-ons is essentially a double ended dildo with a angle that helps keep it in place. The problem is that if you are using one without a harness you need to have kegels of steel to keep it where it needs to be, and a lot of people don’t have this, so I always recommend using a harness with a strapless. 

The one I use is the union - I use the one as some of the others have fixed angles, the union allows you to adjust the angle of penetration so you’re not doing some impressive double joined maneuvers to hit the right spot. 

Lube

Lube’s importance cannot be stressed enough if you don’t use enough or use a lube that just dries up and you don’t replace it then the whole scene can get unfun fast and take you back a step or two for future pegging. 

I like to use Sliquid Sassy as its pH balanced for the anus, it’s slightly thicker so it stays in place where you want it to be and it’s also made from high quality lube. If you are planning to do anal play regularly I also recommend picking up a lube applicator, this ingenious tool is simple but useful - you fill it up with some lube, pop it into the anus and squeeze, it deposits a bunch of lube inside the butt that way during pegging you have lube on both sides to help make the dildo as smooth as possible. 

Preparation

I think prep work comes down to two main areas 

The place, and the people.

First the place, how you setup your room is entirely up to you, I like to have it a little warmer, but one (optional but highly recommended) steps is to put some darker towels down before playing, this helps deal with any unwanted mishaps such as lube drippage, bodily fluids, or even just sweat. 

The people part is also up to personal opinion. Some people like to douche before playing to be as clean as possible however there one thing you should understand doing anal play - shit happens. Sex is messy by nature, there are bodily fluids all over the place, occasionally you may pull out and find some poop on your toys - fear not, if your using silicone toys it just washes right off with some soap and water, if your really worried about it then you can also boil pure silicone toys (as long as they don’t have any electronics inside). 

I also like to suggest my recipient wears a buttplug a little before play, maybe 10-20 mins (something like the Snug Plug range) this helps relax the muscles a little and just like any vigorous exercise stretching is important. 

Getting Started

When you are all ready to go, have everything laid out then the time is now. 

Apply a generous amount of lube to your dildo, and the external of your partner's butt, I recommend also lubing up a finger (can be gloved) and putting some on the inside of the anus or use a lube applicator. Lube is amazing and you’ll also find that the anus has a natural ability to soak it up like a sponge - so use more lube than you think you may need, you’ll be amazed at how quickly it can vanish.

Find a comfortable position for both of you, I personally find doggy style with my partner’s butt at the side of the bed and me standing works well. 

I like to warm my partner up with a lubed finger to play around with their anus, but I realize this isn’t for everyone. The key to any pegging is starting off very slow, you can either insert slowly and allow for lots of communication, or you can just put it at the entrance and let them back up onto the dildo at their own pace. Both options have their advantages but allowing them to back up helps give them some control over the speed of the process.  Its important at this point not to rush, take as long as necessary, there should be no pain, sometimes a little pressure but if there's pain you need to back off and if both agree then try again but slower. 

Tips

Avoid desensitizing lubes - I realize that there is a lot of fear about pain being involved but if you do pegging properly then there should not be any pain. Pain is the bodies way to signal something bad is happening and if you take that response away you could end up tearing something you wish you didn’t. 

Lots of lube and time, I cannot overemphasize how important both of these are. Without proper time and lube you a play session can turn bad quickly. 

The recipient may be in a vulnerable place after pegging, especially for people who are not used to receiving penetration. It can be a mentally and physically excusing process, so please give lots of hugs and aftercare. 

If your a vulva owner and struggling with the feeling of a flat panelled dildo against you, then consider something like a Bumpher  it can redirect pressure to the sensitive areas and help increase sensations to be a bit more pleasurable.